PEOPLE PLEASING
PEOPLE PLEASING
The urge to please others can often make it challenging to lead a life that truly reflects your own values. As you begin to prioritize your own needs, you’ll find that your good deeds stem from a place of love and genuine kindness, rather than fear or obligation. You would also have the courage to be your authentic self leading to more fullfilling and genuine relationships. Let’s have a look potential reasons and potentials costs of people pleasing as well as how counselling could help:
Potential Reasons:
Trauma Responses: The fawn response, a survival mechanism developed and learned during trauma, can lead individuals to prioritize others’ needs over their own.
Family Dynamics: Caregivers who place unrealistic emotional expectations on children can create a sense of obligation to please. For instance, expecting a child to mediate adult conflicts can lead to a lifelong habit of people pleasing. Family members who exhibited people-pleasing behaviors themselves can also lead to people pleasing behaviors.
Cultural/Societal Influences: Cultural norms and gender roles may have suggested that being nurturing and agreeable is virtuous, reinforcing people-pleasing tendencies.
Potential Costs:
Loss of Authenticity: Constantly catering to others can obscure one’s true self and needs, leading to resentment and inauthentic relationships.
Resource Drain: Excessive worrying about others' reactions can deplete time and energy, leading to stress and negative health impacts.
How Can Counselling Help?
In counselling, we can explore the impact of people pleasing in your life and work together to foster a meaningful commitment to change. Our sessions will support you in gaining insight into the reasons behind your people pleasing behaviors.
We can also identify and challenge the thoughts that drive these behaviors together, looking closely at core beliefs like “If I focus on my needs, I must be selfish” or “Good people always prioritize others.” Together, we can test these beliefs to see if they truly serve your well-being.
If past trauma is a factor, we’ll take time to process those experiences that may have contributed to your automatic people pleasing responses. We could also create a gradual plan for communicating your boundaries and prepare for the emotions that might arise as you establish new habits. Additionally, we’ll discuss stress management and self-regulation techniques that you can use while navigating this journey.
Recovering from people pleasing involves embracing your values, establishing authentic relationships, and recognizing that saying no or disagreeing is not inherently selfish. It’s a journey toward self-awareness and genuine connection, supported by understanding past influences and actively challenging harmful beliefs.
If you’re interested in learning more about how counseling can support you, I’d be honored to accompany you on this path. If interested, I invite you to book a free 15-minute consultation.